A little more background information on me..

This post is a little background information on me. :-)

I am 19 years old. I will be 20 in July on the 10th of 2012. Thank God that I have made it this far and I am not dead from something stupid that I have done in my ignorant youth. (And if I heard right, my ignorant youth isn't over yet. Damn!)

I was placed in foster care at the age of eight. It was sometime over the spring or early summer. I remember coming home from school and just walking in the house. Child Protective Services were called because my elder sister Carrie told the school counselor about some things that were going on at the home.

I have two sisters. My older sister, Carrie is 21 and will be 22 very soon. My younger sister, Laura just turned 18! OMG! We are all growing up. From where we began, to where we are now. Its just mind-boggling.

Laura has always been a good girl. She is so sweet. She is becoming a tattoo artist. She is currently apprenticing with my very first foster father, Mark. Carrie, turned out somewhat like me. She is somewhat vindictive and lies quite a bit. I think we both turned out the same because we were older and actually knew and understood everything that happened to us. Laura was young enough at the time of the abuse to not really register what was happening. Laura didn't know any better than that. On the other hand, Carrie and I were able to spend time with friends' families and we could see how a functional family works.

My mother, Kathy, did drugs, like marijuana and cocaine. Mother was very abusive. She abused both of my sisters and myself. Physically, emotionally, and mentally from her. I was abuse sexually from my father at the age of 3 or 4. I cant really remember.

I cant really remember anything from my life up until I was in foster care. Think about it, I really cant remember anything but flashes of my life up until I was eight years old. Its kinda nice if you think about it. All of that bad shit that happened to me in my life, I CANT REMEMBER! I have been told by numerous therapists that I will eventually remember things of importance when I am mentally capable of it. The thing is though, that I am not sure i want to remember anything that happened to me in my past. I am perfectly content on not remembering anything.

Father was sexually abusive to me. I was around the age of three or four. He left shortly after that. I haven't heard a whole lot from him since. I have a phone number for him. I am not sure if it works or not. I can't bring myself to dial the number, because if he picks up, I am not sure what I would say.

I was placed in the very first foster home in 2000. It was a great home. I had my first home-cooked meal at the age of eight. Ain't that some shit? It was lasagna. To this very day, one of my favorite meals is homemade lasagna.

I was bounce around from foster home to foster home until eventually there was a family that wanted to adopt me. I was around 9 years old in the time that I moved into their home. That was interesting. See, I didn't want to be adopted. Not that they weren't a good family. They were are great family. They couldn't have kids of their own, and they thought that I was the perfect candidate for them. I may have been. But I was still dealing with the emotional problems of my childhood. I stayed there for just under a year. I left sometime before my 11th birthday.

Because of the failed adoption, I was thought to have emotional problems that could only be dealt with with the help of a therapist and constant supervision. I was moved to Wedgwood Christian Services in Grand Rapids. I stayed there for about two years until I was thirteen years old.

When I moved out of Wedgwood Christian Services, I was placed in another foster home. This one catering to teens with troubled past with an emphasis on abused children, such as myself. I stayed there for about 3 short months. I was removed and put in a hospital because of a suicide attempt. I had a knife in my bed and was planning on using it that night. It was found about two hours before the act was to be done by one of my fellow foster care "brothers." I was fourteen at the time of this.

After the hospital, I was moved to Pine Rest Mental Health Services, also in Grand Rapids. I was placed in the residential unit. I stayed there for about two years. I had a wonderful therapist. Her name was Linda. She was always there to listen to me. She never judged me. Linda always was blunt and honest. That is what I most appreciated about her.

When I left Pine Rest, I went to Ruth Ellis Center. The Ruth Ellis Center caters to specifically LGBTQ youth, or Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender or Questioning young people.

After Ruth Ellis Center, I was moved to Earth Services. (I am not going to go into details of my stay there at this time. More to come on that particular subject at a later time.)

I was moved out of Earth Services into Kalamazoo. I stayed in a SIL, or Supervised Independent Living. Basically, you are living by yourself and someone checks in on you every week or so. This worker helps you out with things that you need, like going to the store for groceries or to DHS.

At one point in my two home SIL placements, I was staying at the equivalent to a crack house. I had an air mattress on the floor and my clothing in a box. That summer (2011) is when I started to drop weight. When I stayed at Earth Services, i weighed close to 160 pounds. As you can see by my photo, I am down to about 105 pounds. (I couldn't say for sure because I don't like to look at the number anymore...)

I have lived with several friends in the past couple of months. I was couch-hopping for awhile there. I lived with my ex, Jeff. And I also lived with his sister.

I am current residing in Battle Creek. Looking for a job, and thinking of going back to high school or getting my GED.