Faces O,o

"Whoa. That was unexpected." Those were my thoughts as I heard the judge read the verdict.

Although I did, and still don't want Mike to go to jail because of me, it seems to me that the verdict nulls me of any responsibility regarding Mike's trial or prosecution. If the charges against him from me were found not guilty, I don't have a living soul to speak to about this nor should any of y'all going around running your god damned dick beaters about things that you know absolutely nothing about. Ha.

Part of me is happy that he is in custody. The other part of me still worries about those kids. Oh and don't get me started about Twerpalina. Dug her own grave. <I think I have said that before. LOL>

I have roads ahead of me. I need to go see the doctor, and get this whole college thing figured out. Should be of more interesting things to come. ;D

I think I may start to write short stories or something, I realized I really need a hobby. I thought I could take up crocheting. That would be a catch wouldn't it? A young strapping lad, such as myself, to crochet in the waiting room while I am waiting for the nurse at the doctor's office to call my name.

I kinda have no choice but to laugh at this one. xD

Falling....

I am on the edge of a canyon, looking down hundreds of feet to the tiny winding river below. I feel the wind blowing on my back. The heated air whips across my neck. It burns. I glance behind and see the people behind me, all with looks of horror on their faces. They know. I see the other side of the canyon, red earth getting beat down on by the sun and my neck. My lips are dry and cracked from lack of water. I hear vultures squawking above, circling as they await their next meal. I also hear the people behind me screaming how much they love me. I hear them yelling at me, begging me, pleading with me. I don't listen. I never listen. I jump.

mirror...

There is still feeling of unrest that comes from deep within my chest. Like a rock that sits where my heart is supposed to be. I am emotionally unstable. I went from happy to mad to sad in a matter of minutes.

Why am I still being dealt all the shitty cards of the deck? Shouldn't I feel better now that all of this is "over?" Shouldn't I feel as though a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders? Shouldn't I feel warm and fuzzy when I look in the mirror? Shouldn't this be the time where I bounce out of bed bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, look at the world and shout "Bring it on!"

This may come as news to many people out there, but I am not happy. I feel as if weight has been added, not removed from my shoulders. I feel cold as ice and black as tar when I look in the mirror. I move sluggishly throughout the day. I wear only dark clothing, I think a reflection of my inner self.

Resent

I guess this is the time when I am supposed to say something absolutely stunning, brilliant, deep, heartfelt, and compassionate. Well, honestly, I don't have a god damned thing to say to any of you. You couldn't get more love or compassion out of a fucking rock than I. Utterly bewildered as to why you go and do all of that shit for a fucking liar. Please. Get a grip on reality as well as find yourself some fucking dignity. Get out from underneath that little rock, get your head out of your ass and open your eyes to see the light.

Wow. That felt good.

I guess I feel sorry for those kids. Not to mention Amanda, but she kinda dug her own grave on that one. Hate to be the one that has to go to sleep with that on their mind.

Well what about Mike? Did you love him? I don't see how that is relevant at court anyhow, other than to make me uncomfortable. That's not plausible. The jurors asked me that, and not that little twit of a lawyer. God, he makes me madder than a midget with a yo-yo.

Jamie, a yellow flower. Means friendship. That's about as far as I am going to go with you. I am not even sure you want that. :Honestly don't really give a flying fuck. Remember karma? The three-fold law? It's going to suck for you, and quite a few others.

And when that day comes, where y'all are going to face your own, I want to be there. I want to watch your crumble to your knees. I am going to laugh.