I was considering my abnormal
eating patterns, and I have come to the conclusion about why they are like they
are. First let me start of by saying I have always had issues with the fork and
knife. By that I mean, I have always had a problem putting food in my mouth to from the beginning. I can remember at ten years old, that I would limit what I fed
myself. I did this because at ten years old, the food that I put in my body was
the only thing that I could control. I couldn’t control my living situation. Being in foster care, one may find it quite difficult to control what home you
are at for a couple of months. I could however control what I ate. So I did.
Another big reason why I continued to stop eating was the ex. Well you see, he liked "skinny" guys. I, of course, wanted to please him. I wouldn't eat, I would loose weight, just so I wouldn't be called fat. If I was skinny, he wouldn't leave me, or so I thought.
It developed into more of a complex. I listened to everyone around me so much that I looked in the mirror and saw myself as very much overweight. I was and am in fact very much underweight. Now people are telling me how skinny I am. I don't like it. Why can't people leave me alone and I will figure out just how skinny I am all on my own.
Does it really matter if I am 300 pounds or 100 pounds? Both are unhealthy. I know that everyone is saying that I should be at a correct or "normal" weight. But who are they to say what is normal? No one is society is normal. Normalcy is far out of reach for most people, especially me.
Another big reason why I continued to stop eating was the ex. Well you see, he liked "skinny" guys. I, of course, wanted to please him. I wouldn't eat, I would loose weight, just so I wouldn't be called fat. If I was skinny, he wouldn't leave me, or so I thought.
It developed into more of a complex. I listened to everyone around me so much that I looked in the mirror and saw myself as very much overweight. I was and am in fact very much underweight. Now people are telling me how skinny I am. I don't like it. Why can't people leave me alone and I will figure out just how skinny I am all on my own.
Does it really matter if I am 300 pounds or 100 pounds? Both are unhealthy. I know that everyone is saying that I should be at a correct or "normal" weight. But who are they to say what is normal? No one is society is normal. Normalcy is far out of reach for most people, especially me.
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